He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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