last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
