is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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