He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
