I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
