I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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