I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
