the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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