biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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