He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
