One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she smelled like a LAN party
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
