So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
