We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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