im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
