it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
