Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
