You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
