i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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