So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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