she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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