So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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