Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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