she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
