Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Soap is not a condiment
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
