What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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