I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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