im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
