Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
