first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
