im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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