possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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