You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
