I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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