C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i dont even know how to be here
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
