tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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