Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
