worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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