So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
