I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
