Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
