it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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