Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
