And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
