Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
