Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
