Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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