Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it because I queefed?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
