they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
