Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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