omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
