I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
