does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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