you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize