If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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