Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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