I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
