No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I could make wine with my vomit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
