Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
