new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
