Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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