i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize