So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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