You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
