I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm passing your future prison.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
