I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
