i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize