Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
