were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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